Ok, life is good, I see I used to be a total fool who thought he was completely special and in truth was more lonely than he would damn well admit even to himself.
For the last 5 years, no more like 14 years I have been a very lonely and heartless individual...
Now I am very happy to have more friends to annoy me, more things to do, more freedoms to decide what I want without being harrassed and a person who feels that I am worth being with.
I am doing let's play videos on youtube (user name is the same as here) and spending a lot of time talking to my love simona, why does she have to be in another country?? I know a way to remedy that, I shall go to where she is and will stay there... Learning lithuanian aint easy but I did ok with japanese so things should be good ^^
New updates will be few and far between, I doubt anybody will check here anyway, the funny thing is that at one time that would have been a concern 
I stole this from my good friend aubrey and wtf is up with the font!? it's strange on here too!
100 'HAVE YOU EVER'S
1. Made out for more than 3 minutes? Nah, is there a point?
2. Slept in a different bed? I don't sleep
3. Made out in a movie theatre? I am trying to watch this
4. Made out with 2 different people in one night? And upset someone, come on! i would never
5. Thought your cousin was hot? Yes, but i would have to be gay not to.
6. Been in love? How foolish.
7. Slept? Used to, lol.
8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex? Where is the need for it?
9. Gone over the speed limit? On my bike, yes.
10. Painted your room? Too lazy.
11. Drove a car? Nah, give me a bike.
12. Danced in front of your mirror? I do NOT dance.
13. Gotten a hickey? WTF?
14. Gotten in a car accident? Been hit by a car, well i hit a car.
15. Stole money from a friend? Well, i BORROWED some.
16. Gotten in a car with people you just met? I don't just meet people, i have enough friends.
17. Gotten in a fist fight and won? I don't have to fight to win.
18. Snuck out of your house? I normally don't stay in the house.
19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? How would I know?
20. Been arrested? Yeah, quite funny really.
21. Made out with a stranger? I threw one out of a window, does that count for anything?
22. Left your house without telling your parents? They wouldn't notice.
23. Had a crush on your neighbor? Who?
24. Ditched school to do something more fun? No, well apart from fishing, but it aint fun, it's relaxing.
25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same or opposite sex? The same sex yes, a friend of mine.
26. Seen someone die? 4, not nice, but not as bad as you might think.
27. Been on a plane? Lost count.
28. Kissed a picture? No.
29. Slept in until 3? Slept for 2 days.
30. Love someone or miss someone right now? Miss someone yes, but i don't love anyone
31. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? When i was a kid, wondering how they stayed up...
32. Made a snow angel? We don't get much snow.
33. Played dress up? Only if you count dressing someone else up in tape or being made to dress up....
34. Cheated while playing a game? No chance,not until i completed it and wanted to make it interesting, but then it isn't cheating.
35. Been lonely? Not until recently.
36. Fallen asleep at work/school? Used to fall asleep in my first college.
37. Felt an earthquake? I thought it was until i smelled something foul!
38. Eatin sushi? No, but wouldn't mind trying it.
39. Touched a snake? Snakes are friendly, my first snake was when i was six, a rock python.
40. Ran a red light? No, i will not endanger others' lives.
41. Been suspended from school? No.
42. Had detention? Yes, for backmouthing a teacher (the fight before might have sparked it though).
43. Been in a car? NO(!) I got through life without ever being in one(!)
44. Hated the way you look? Yup.
45. Witnessed a crime? Yes, but only things like resisting arrest lol.
46. Been lost? Nope.
47. Been to the opposite side of the country? Yeah.
48. Felt like dying from embarrassment? No
49. Cried yourself to sleep? When i was a baby?
50. Sang karaoke? Well, i wouldn't call it karaoke, i have sung metal songs.
51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? No, my word is final.
52. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? No...i can't say i have.
53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Why would i try?
54. Kissed in the rain? Well I have stood in the rain.
55. Sung in the shower? No, i just wanna get it done and get back to work.
56. Had a dream that you married someone? No
57. Planning on getting married? Nah, can't be arsed with that.
58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? You what?
59. Ever gone to school partially nude? If you count exposing the face as being nude.
60. Been a... ? Yes i think i have been a GOD! still am..
61. Sat on a roof top? No, i have jumped off one.
62. Didn't take a shower for a week? yup..
63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? I don't get frightened by that tot.
64. Played chicken? With a chav
65. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No, people know not to do shit like that.
66. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Not by a complete stranger, i didn't know the girl well (only knew her name) but she said so, i thought she was mental so i ignored her.
67. Broken a bone? No
68. Been easily amused? As a child....maybe
69. Laugh so hard you cry? No, i don't know how you could.
70. Cheated on a test? Pointless and prideless.
71. Forgotten someone's name? All the time.
72. Blacked out from drinking? I have been sick from it, but never blacked out.
73. Played a prank on someone? Yes but it has never been malicious.
74. Gone to a late night movie? Stay in and watch one.
75. Made love to anything not human? Errm, hhmmmm, uuhhhhh, eeerrrrr....can't say i have.
76. Failed a class? Failed a college, what fun!
77. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? Yeah, lard (for a bet).
78. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? I don't do instruments, sorry.
79. Cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend? Cheating isn't my style. see above.
80. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? Why would i?
81. Thrown strange objects? Yeah, threw a bomb of my own invention to test it, just a tip, wear a blindfold, geez!
82. Felt like someone? I don't feel like someone, i feel more like, an empty sort of, someone.
84. Ran away? From what? I ran away from nothing and towards something, does that count?
85. Had detention and not attend it? No, i wanted a laugh.
86. Made parents cry? No, couldn't do it if i wanted to, not that i would want to of course.
88. Owned more than 5 sharpies? 5 what?
89. Dated someone more than once? Funnily enough....no...
90. Have a dog? No, unfortunately.
91. Own an instrument? A guitar.
92. Been in a band? Sung as a child.
93. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No, Bicarbonate soda aint good for you, i drink wine, cider and lager
94. Broken a CD? No, just fling em.
95. Shot a gun? Several M1 garand, a revolver, and a very old shotgun etc. (Edit: in a game)
96. Been on the site you are posting this on for more than 5 hours? Nah, can't be arsed.
98. Have a major crush on someone right now? No.
99. Have a religion? A religion of my own description (hint: it's me)
100. Thought about what people would say at your funeral? I thought about what i would like people to say. "thank god he has gone""never thought we'd be rid of him""he was a cunt", things like that lol.
oh it has been so long since i have been here, or has it? oh well i don't care about that, i don't even care if the people who will actually read this will actually care.
My main reason for being here is that i have noticed a lot of people looking for diablo 2 Games online, well since i know what a struggle it is for you people how about i make it easier since i am now playing it a lot more than runescape.
Well you have to click "other multiplayer games" then you click "tcp/ip game" and type in "192.168.1.3". (EDIT: Don't bother lol)
I will report back here should my ip be changed, i would be playing on Battle.net but my brother installed the game on his computer and used the same CD key as me....oh well....i will see if anyone is interested in not playing alone or on battle.net.
On another note, i have put on weight and grown an inch, i don't look any different at all, well exept that i now have a scar on my forearm and it only got cut on saturday, i am pleased with the healing rate 
I have the emotional range of a tea spoon until it comes to other people's feelings, if my life was in danger, i wouldn't care, but when someone's feelings can get hurt, i do care.
Anyway, that's enough of me babbling on and on, you should all feel very very lucky, not many other guys would actually talk like this, and no i am NOT gay or a woman lol.
Well, good news first eh, the good news is i am still alive, am going out with tanya from my high school, got all barrows armour in runescape apart from dharok and guthan and i am updating my blog lol.
Well all seems absolutely peachy with that, now on another slightly alarming note (alarming for you but not for me) according to my doctor i shouldn't be alive, i no longer sleep, my metabolism is faster than ever before and my heart rate is so slow that it's like i have recorded it too fast with a dictaphone. Well the doctor says i should worry, but why should i!? i am happy, i feel well, what more could i want? How can i be ill if i feel incredible, a doctor once told me i should have died ages ago and that was 4 years ago, he didn't say it in as many words though, but i knew he meant that lol.
I feel a new envigourated sort of cool darkness about myself, kinda like i cannot do anything wrong, that i can beat anyone at anything and that for some reason something spectacular should happen soon.
Also when i say darkness do not think me to be a goth or evil or satanic devil cult person, no i merely like darkness is all lol.
well i have nothing much else to say so i think i'll think up a poem right here right now, if it sucks then just say, but if you're too harsh then you'll regret it lol.
From spring, to the fall
The most beautiful of them all.
He is great, in his mind.
Even though he is blind.
Though lost, is his sight.
He has power and might.
He is watched, from afar.
We imbue him, with our hearts.
Where is he now, no-one knows.
But he'll be back, where the blood flows.
This is a poem about a vampire, sort of a tall handsome man portrayed as a great person, but it says "we imbue him with our hearts" basically that means he lives off the blood of the those whose hearts beat.
Lol thank you, til next time, good fortune.
i took this from aubrey who took this from someone called jeremy.
Taken from Jeremy's blog:
Name Four Bad Habits That You Have:
1. ignoring people
2. fighting
3. telling the truth too much
4. being correct
Name Four Things You Wish You Had:
1. a cupboard that has any food or item you ask it for
2. white hair
3. better looks
4. a faster computer
Name Four Scents You Love:
1. coffee
2. chicken vindaloo
3. fresh cut grass
4. sulphur
Name Four People That Know You the Best:
1. Barry (definitely lol)
2. Bryan
3. Tanya
4. Anna
Name Four Things You’d Never Wear:
I'm assuming this is in public, because in my house there isn't much i wouldn't wear...
1. spandex of any kind
2. tracksuit
3. leather pants
4. a coat that aint black
Name Four Things You Are Thinking about Now:
1. killin someone i met yesterday
2. the time paul broke his hand when he punched me
3. the time i broke a wall
4. i am also thinking about what i should eat
Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. updated my blog
2. listened to my dad complain about losing something
3. made a start on my assignment about equality
4. answered this question
Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
1. dark chronicle
2. dragonball z budokai tenkaichi
3. diamond necklace
4. PDA pocket pc
Name Four Bands/Groups Most People Don’t Know You Like:
1. the ramones
2. Throttle (band from wigan)
3. fear factory
4. evanescence
Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. lager
2. whiskey
3. cherry
4. milk
First Year Teacher’s Name?: Mrs. Hindley
Last Words You Said: "Pfffttttt, the day you beat me is the day i become a girl."
Last Song You Sang?: Dream of mirrors
Last Person You Hugged?: my mother
Last Thing You Laughed At?: a kid who collapsed holding my bag
Last Time You Said ‘I Love You’: ummmmmm.....cannot remember
Last Time You Cried: again cannot remember.
What’s in your CD player?: don't have one
What Color Socks Are You Wearing?: White
What’s Under Your Bed?: you do NOT wanna know
What Time Did You Wake Up Today?: 10am
Current taste?: taste in what? food? ummmm, a chocolate gateau
Current Hair?: long, going black lol
Current Clothes?: black shirt, black pants, white socks, my under wear
Current Annoyance: System of a down.
Current Longing?: To survive
Current Desktop Picture?: Pikmin!
Current Worry?: did i eat enough?
Current Hate?: got money but cannot spend on food since it's for bus.
Favorite Physical Feature of The Opposite Sex?: eyes, arse and well i dunno what my other is.
Last CD You Bought: I don't buy em.
Favorite Place To Be: in my dreams
Least Favorite Place?: place with lots of people.
If You Could Play An Instrument?: I'm ok if left alone with anything.
Favorite Color?: Black and purple and Green
Do You Believe In An Afterlife?: Not really
How Tall Are You?: how tall are you, nosy gits lol. i dunno.
Current Favorite Word/Saying: "good egg"
Favorite Season: winter.
One Person from Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back and Talk To: None
Favorite Day: wednesday, only two lessons at college lol.
Where would you like to go?: Right now? China, it's got a ton of history.
What Is Your Career Going to Be Like?: health care.
How Many Kids Do You Want: none if i can help it.
Favorite Car: Nissan Skyline R-33 GTR V-Spec
A Random Lyric: "I only dream in black and white, i only dream cos i'm alive!"
| A Better Cure For Boredom | |
| Basic stuff | |
| How do you call yourself? (What's your name?): | Lord Hildegain (do not argue, i am incredible!) |
| How old are you?: | physically 17, mentally 170 |
| Where you live?: | England |
| With whom?: | My family |
| Favorite things | |
| Color?: | purple (dark) |
| Person?: | my friend bryan |
| Pet? (Not animal. Pet. Either living or dead. Yours or a friends): | louise (girl from college lol) |
| Number (lucky or just magic)?: | 13 |
| Childhood memory?: | The first time I learned that being tough is better than being strong |
| Thing to do when you're bored?: | sleep |
| Person to talk to when you're bored?: | i don't talk when i am bored |
| Place to shop?: | i don't shop, i get people to do that for me |
| Food? (The whole meal, not a category): | german sausages, beans, bacon, eggs, mushrooms and mash potatoes |
| Place to go when you're sad?: | i am never sad. |
| Place to go when you're happy?: | i am never happy. |
| The last stuff | |
| What's the last thought that crossed your mind?: | Death is but an eternal sleep, it waits only for those who are unprepared. |
| Person you spoke with you in real life?: | My mother. |
| Person you spoke with on the phone?: | I never use phones. why would I? |
| Person you spoke with online?: | I hardly speak anymore, especially online. |
| Person your send any sort of snail mail to?: | and what does that mean? |
| Place you went?: | Hell |
| Thing you did before bed last night?: | Ate something (friggin obvious) |
| Friends stuff | |
| Who's your best friend?: | That is difficult, there are 2 people. bryan, he is like me. barry he is funnier than anyone else alive (even makes ME laugh). |
| Why?: | they kick ass |
| If you had to spend an entire day talking to only 2 people...?: | i have no1 i would spend an entire day with. |
| The best person you ever un-friended?: | i have never un friended anyone, as i consider no1 a true friend |
| Who do you wish you spent more time with?: | my late cousin. |
| Who knows you better than anyone else (honestly)?: | Bryan. (he could be a twin). |
| Who is secretly someone you're embarassed of for whatever reason?: | i am embarrassed by nothing. |
| Your family stuff | |
| Any siblings?: | yes, my brother |
| Are your parents still married to each other?: | of course |
| Which parent do you like better?: | my mother |
| Would you voluntarily hang out with your sibling?: | yes, he looks more evil than i do!! |
| What about your parents?: | my mother is fine, i do not mind her. |
| Random stuff | |
| If you could have an accent, which would you have?: | hehehe, my current accent is perfect. |
| Do you remember your dreams?: | everyone! |
| Do you speak any foreign languages?: | english, japanese, some chinese, french and my own custom language |
| What's your middle name and why is it that?: | James |
| Relationships stuff | |
| Are you married, dating, or single?: | single, as i shall always be |
| If you had the opportunity, would you go back out with any of your exes?: | got none |
| Have you ever had a friend try to steal your bf/gf?: | no of course not |
| Would you rather be single and have lots of friends or married?: | i would rather be single either way. |
| Do you really tell your significant other everything?: | i do not have one. |
| Have you ever cheated just because you can?: | i do not cheat no matter what the circumstances are! |
| Do you think your bf/gf is better than the losers your friends bring home?: | i do not have one! |
| Last stuff | |
| Have you ever cried in public just to get attention?: | heh, i cried only 4 times in my life, when i actually cared about things |
| Have you ever lied just to get attention?: | no |
| Would you ever colaborate with a friend's lie just to make them look cool?: | no chance |
| Assume you were rich, where would you buy your clothes?: | heh, i would get someone else to get em for me. |
| What makes you smile?: | not being bothered by people |
| What makes you frown?: | people say i am always frowning, well i would say the world makes me frown. |
| What's your ultimate goal/dream?: | my goal is only to live without shame |
| Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d | |
ok, for people who love to read, continue reading, for those who can't be bothered, go away.
in runescape i am now lvl 107, i have full verac, dharok and ahrim.
I have spent the last few weeks being ill and haven't done much, and probably wont do much for a while as i still feel horrible, oh well all viral infections fail after a while but this one is actually beginning to annoy me.
nearly christmas so i will be getting time off college to do nothing, lol whenever i am not around my friends or not at college i just do nothing.
anyway i am not gonna jabber on all day, i am going to do nothing lol!
good bye.
It has been too long since i last updated this, i am here to say college is going very well in fact i am typing this while i am in college, in the middle of a class lol, i have become a person more alone than ever and my feelings are very hard to interpret, there is only one word that comes even close to it, physically i seem to have undergone some changes, which is weird at my age, i have become stronger but somewhat smaller even though i have gained weight. I now feel less pain than before but my responses have somewhat lessened, will it get to the point that i don't feel anything? Even so i know something good would come from that, a downside to this is a lot of people may get hurt because of it,
Oh well it would seem that i have a big journey ahead of me, i cannot wait, a little nervous but i am very excited, i have also grown more powerful in runescape, i have full dharok, i am lvl 106 and i nearly have full ahrim, i can do ancient magics. i would much rather not have that and just be somewhere else. Hildegain is worth very little compared to other things in my life. He is what i wish to be, but he is who i will never be no matter how hard i try, thank goodness someone likes me as i am although i always question it like a fool, i mustn't deserve it but i am glad that i have it.
Til the next time i sign on, good bye from Hildegain and Colin
he is also coming down my place on monday, aubrey add son gokuh0 to ur list because i will be playing as him for a while so i can help my mate out ok, plz add him otherwise i wont be able to talk to ya, oh that reminds me i will re install aim on my computer thanks a lot i'm off
~hildegain~ "righty dokey"
i now know i can realise my greatest goal on runescape with ease, zqueenchaosz knows it too i think, i just need to concentrate i guess, well i realised that i can become a lvl 100 from 96 in a day or two, i am so pleased with myself, now i can finally hit a triple figure lvl, i can hardly wait, another thing i can't wait for too, is for her friends to really get into the game become stronger and possibly become members, anyway i really want to say thanks for all the support and good luck everyone
c ya later
/\__/\
(>' '<
(,,)(,,)
